A Rule Breaker's Guide to Year-End Reflection

No vision board required

Dec 20, 2024

👋 I write about redefining success for overwhelmed working parents. I offer practical wisdom to break society's Rules and create a life that truly fits you.

‘Tis the season for too much sugar and long lineups at checkout. 'Tis also the season for Top 10 lists and vision boards.

You know the drill: Reflect on your "biggest wins." Set "audacious goals." Create mood boards full of staged photos of people laughing while eating salad. Write affirmations about crushing it in every area of life simultaneously.

As we're bombarded with prompts to recount our year's highlight reel and manifest our way to having it all in 2025, you know I gotta give you the Rule Breaker take.

So here's my contrarian guide to year-end reflection and future dreaming. One that doesn't require you to wake up at 5am, journal for an hour, and climb a mountain (literally or figuratively) to feel like you’re worthy.

If you've been following along since last year, you might remember my 2023 alternative year-end reflection questions that focused on kindness, meaningful connections, and what you didn't do.

This year, I’m keeping that momentum going with an even simpler take.

The Year-End Nonsense We're Leaving Behind

Before we dive into our Rule Breaker approach, let's name the stuff I suggest we put aside for now.

You know that friend who posts their '2025 Goals' with seventeen bullet points including 'run a marathon,' 'learn Mandarin,' and 'double my income' – all while being a 'more present parent'?

That's the relentless pursuit of achievement at work. It's the voice telling you that if you're not constantly striving, you're somehow falling behind. That contentment is just another word for laziness. That your worth is measured in checkboxes and gold stars, just like back in elementary school.

Then there's that seductive whisper that everything is within your control. Just manifest harder! Practice more gratitude! Bio-hack your way to superhuman productivity! As if systemic barriers and the reality of having actual humans to care for are just excuses made by people who aren't trying hard enough.

Speaking of caring for humans – we devalue caregiving so much that none of these year-end reflections celebrate the countless invisible hours spent nurturing others. The endless loads of laundry, the emotional labor, the middle-of-the-night comfort sessions? Apparently, these don't count as 'achievements' worthy of the highlight reel.

And underneath it all runs that persistent current: whatever you did this year, whatever you have, whoever you are – it's not enough. You need to be more disciplined, more organized, more ambitious. Your body needs to be different, your house needs to be different, your life needs to be different. The hamster wheel never stops.

Let's call these what they are:

The Relentless Pursuit of Achievement: The pressure to always be climbing higher
The Myth of Total Control: The fantasy that everything is within our power to change
The Devaluation of Caregiving: The dismissal of the work that really matters
The Never Enough Mentality: The endless chase for more, better, different

Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought it might. Here’s my suggestion. Let’s put that stuff aside.

A Rule Breaker's Guide to Reflection

So instead of a 47-point self-improvement plan, here are three simple questions for your December reflection time:

1. What filled my cup?

What made the day worth living? Those stolen moments of peace during morning coffee. The pride in your kid's wobbly handwriting. That project at work that actually lit you up. The Netflix show you definitely didn't binge in one night.

2. What do I have enough of?

What’s the good stuff you want to maintain just as it is? Maybe it's the depth of friendship, the level of challenge in your work or quality time with your little ones. Not what needs fixing—what's working just right.)

3. What do I need?

This isn’t what you should need. Nor what Instagram says you need. This is what YOU need. Maybe it's more rest, more fun, more connection. Maybe it's that senior role to fill the intellectual challenge you seek, or the financial cushion that will help you sleep better. The stuff that's missing when you're really honest with yourself.

So there you have it. A different take

Like with everything I share, I hope this brings you some inner peace and understanding.

If it did, I always love to know!