Toe Stubbing
On control and self-blame.
I stubbed my toe again. (Code for a shit situation that keeps on happening - as reliable as the weekly paper delivery).
It was in the same corner of the house where it always happens.
Every time this happens I think that I'll be smarter. Next time, I'll see that uneven terrain and avoid it with a change of course.
This morning I had a thought that maybe this isn't the way to approach things.
Maybe I can't avoid it.
I've tried everything short of rubbing a rabbit's foot and turning around counter-clockwise three times. Meal prep. Proactive communication. Daily tracking. Every possible system to prevent the inevitable.
Maybe not everything is in my control.
That’s a weird thought to sit with.
My whole life has been about making things better through sheer force of will and determination. If something isn't working, try harder. Be smarter. Do more.
I fully bought into the story that pain is always preventable if we're just careful enough, organized enough, thoughtful enough. Like life is some kind of perfect optimization problem waiting to be solved.
In the future, I don’t think I can be fully zen about stubbing my toe. But maybe I can be kinder to myself when it does happen.
The corner's still there. My toe still throbs. And I’m not a shit person because it happened again.
You are enough,
Jess
P.S. Trying something new here with these shorter post taken from my own journal. If this lands (or doesn’t), shoot me a note. I love hearing from you.
I’m doing another IWD gathering this year. Can you join us?
As I wrote in 2024 and 2023 - IWD wasn’t intended to be a day of fluffy celebrations.
And - as companies slash DEI programs, mandate office returns, and cut parental leave - I’m feeling like we need that original Women’s Day fighting spirit more than ever.
So I’m bringing together fellow working parents talk about what matters in our own lives and figure out what to do next.
Come be with us. RSVP here.
If this is your first time here. Welcome. 👋 I write about redefining success for overwhelmed working parents. I offer practical wisdom to break society's Rules and create a life that truly fits you.
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I do the same thing with hot pans I take out of the oven. I always pick them up after setting them down and taking off the oven mitts.