The faded middle of the rainbow

Is perfection ideal?

My dad died about six weeks ago. The day I landed back in Kelowna from the funeral in Toronto, there was this epic rainbow outside our window.

We could see both ends clearly (something I don't think I've ever seen in my life.)

The middle wasn't there though. It's like this beautiful thing started and ended but in the midst of the epic journey it faded.

Over the next couple of weeks I caught up with friends checking in on me.

I learned of work issues, mortgage issues, marriage issues, health issues. A lot of people seemed to be in that faded part of the rainbow too.

It reminded me of the saying "Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay, it's not the end."

I want to believe in that saying but I'm not sure.

Yes, the pain of the loss is less acute now. I can rely on fun, happy memories to warm my heart. And then - other stuff happened (like my partner tearing his hamstring!).

I keep waiting for the day when it will feel okay - when I will feel like I’ve landed in the bright beautiful part of the rainbow. But I'm not sure it will come.

Instead, I'm thinking that life might always feel like I'm in the faded middle. Somethings will always be a bit crappy with beauty on both sides of the fade.

And that's okay. That’s just being human. Perfection isn’t the ideal.

Sharing with the class in case you happen to find yourself in the faded middle of the rainbow too.

J

Ps. How do you think about it when you’re in the hard but also good times? Leave a comment so other working parents can learn from you too.