👋 I challenge conventional thinking to help people craft well-rounded lives that blend career, caregiving and self-care.
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I love my local library.
Every time I walk in there I feel excited about what I can learn. I’ve felt this way since I was a kid and my mom would take us to the big library near us. I did then, and still do, feel like a kid in a candy store.
My trip the other week didn’t disappoint. I was there to pick up books I had placed on hold. Walking to the counter to sign out the books, on the shelf I saw a title I couldn’t resist: “Feminism for the 99%”.
I added it to the top of my pile and read it quickly.
The biggest learning I took from the book were five words that summed up what I’ve spent tens of thousands words trying to convey.
And the magical coincidence is that those five words happen to be very relevant to the recent report on Canada’s record low fertility rate.
And and… they relate to why those of us who have worked hard in our careers can struggle with finding true personal fulfillment.
Let’s dive in and I’ll share that phrase and my thoughts connecting all of this together.
Canada Fertility Rate Reaches All-Time Low
In 2022, the Total Fertility Rate reached 1.33 children per woman. This is the lowest it has been in over 100 years.
There are other worrying insights that are called out in the lengthy Statistics Canada report (may I also add I love Stats Can reports in addition to libraries 🤓).
The drop in number of babies being born (-7.4%) was the highest since the “baby bust” (-7.6%) which happened in 1971 after the baby boom
The average age of mothers at childbirth has increased consistently for almost 50 years from 26.7 years in 1976 to 31.6 years in 2020
This isn’t unique to Canada; all other G7 countries, with the exception of the US, experienced fertility decline
It has been over 50 years since we have had replacement level fertility rates (2.1 children per woman) and the number of adults choosing to have kids is forecasted to keep dropping.
What Most Say Is the Reason
While Statistics Canada doesn’t get into why this is happening, there have been many opinions shared.
The reasons won’t surprise you. Some point fingers at the housing crisis stating that would-be parents don’t have a place to raise their kids. Others cite environmental and social issues that are causing people to hold off on bringing new humans into this challenged world. Women’s education levels and resulting professional ambitions has also been cited as a cause for lower fertility (😡😤).
A 2022 study by Angus Reid of nearly 3,000 women aged 18-44 compiled a comprehensive list of reasons for not having children. And there are a lot of them.
But, IMO, these are all missing the bigger picture and the true reason behind why women are choosing to forgo caregiving.
Are you nodding and finding this interesting? If so, share this post with someone else you think would like to learn too.
My Take On Why We’re Making Less Babies
From my vantage point the issue lies in our culture. Basically, it isn’t cool to be a parent.
Our culture has “Leaned In” hard into the glorification of wealth, power and status. Professional achievements are the focus of our public accolades and our internal sense of self-worth. Since kids and career success don’t mix, it is no surprise women are deciding to have fewer or no children.
Compounding this effect is that media makes parenthood sound horribly unappealing. In an exceptional article written on Vox (I encourage everyone to click the link and read), Rachel Cohen writes “being a mom looks thankless, exhausting, and lonely”. In this article, she pointed out that media does a great job of perpetuating this message. Recent books include “Mom Rage”, “Screaming on the Inside” and “Ordinary Insanity”. New York Magazine dubbed 2022 as the year of sad moms in film.
This brings me full circle back to the “Feminism For The 99%” book I happened upon at the library. One of the main premises is that we have prioritized “profit-making over people-making”.
Those five words (or maybe only three, depending on how you consider hyphenated words) encapsulate exactly what is happening. We as society have culturally decided that careers, financial growth and the like are more important than caregiving. That in turn has led to how we define for ourselves what is fulfilling.
What society encourages permeates into our own psyche and influences what we believe creates a fulfilling life and is worthy of our efforts. When praise goes towards career growth and mostly horror scenes are depicted of family life, it is no wonder why we are steering ourselves away from the latter and towards the former.
So, if you’re like me, who has kids - or even wants kids - and struggles with finding the fulfillment in the day-to-day, take solace in knowing that you’re not alone. Our world isn’t set up for us to feel like superheroes after a successful bed time but know that it is important, especially if you feel that way in your own heart.
I feel like this post could have gone on much longer. There is much more I feel compelled to share on both the issue at hand and potential solutions.
There is more to be said on why low fertility rates matter for individuals and our society, the role that popular culture, the media, business leaders and politicians play in creating our culture that devalues people-making and how the beauty and benefits of caregiving can be encouraged in society.
But for now, my enthusiasm for learning and sharing has to come to an end here. There will be more trips to the library and posts from me on this.
Till then, keep well
J
P.S. I’m prioritizing shipping over perfection, so this post may not convey all my thoughts perfectly. I’d love comments or questions to keep the discovery going.
P.P.S. With thanks, as always, to my Junior Associate, ChatGPT-4.0 (oh yeah, mama got an upgrade! 😛)