'Enoughness' Comes From Within
And more take-aways from the IWD gathering
👋 I challenge conventional thinking to help people craft well-rounded lives that blend career, caregiving and self-care.
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You know those people who are friends with the same people they went to kindergarten with? I'm not one of them.
I'm not in touch with anyone from grade school and speak regularly to only one person from high school.
The downside is missing out on those decades-long inside jokes or reminiscing about the epic prom after-party.
The bonus is that I've been able to build a friend group that truly feels like my 'tribe' – people who truly understand and share my outlook on life.
Friday's International Women's Day gathering was more than adding to my tribe. It felt like I found my village.
It was incredible to have everyone sharing their experiences and connecting in a rich way. I'm still buzzing from the experience.
To pass that experience on to you, here are my biggest take-aways.
Connecting Is Powerful
The biggest desire people had was validation that they weren't alone – they wanted connection and solidarity.
The chat was buzzing with over 1,000 messages and reactions, a testament to the solidarity found. It was a reminder of how important it is to feel seen and heard. Many were tired of the typical corporate IWD events where senior executives preach about “finding balance” and “saying no” while outsourcing most of their domestic responsibilities – a privilege most don't enjoy.
Instead of rallies, picnics, or living room gatherings, we connected over Zoom, and it was beautiful.
We Expect A Lot From Ourselves
My biggest struggle when I became a parent was the realization that my potential achievements now had limits. It turns out I'm not alone.
As girls, we're told that we can do anything and be anything. Yet somehow that transforms into the unrealistic expectation that we should do and be everything. It's clearly not a healthy message to carry into adulthood.
Ashley Good shared that in her 20s she expected to be Amelia Earhart, Roberta Bondar, Jane Goodall, and Taylor Swift combined by her 40s. No big deal, right?
‘Enoughness’ Has To Come From Within
There is not enough time on the day to be both a top-of-your-game professional and parent, leaving us feeling inadequate and burnt out.
Since external praise and recognition won't fill the void, self-love must come from within.
Urszula, my coach, said it best in the chat: “Until the systems change, we will be swimming against the current. We need to learn to find the enoughness within and we can do that together”.
Human Being > Human Doing
Women share many experiences, but that's often because we disproportionately shoulder unpaid household labor.
The struggle to be both a professional and a caregiver isn't gender-specific. Several men joined us too, and I realized this isn't about gender; it's about lacking space to simply be human.
There Is So Much More To Cover
Articulating feelings and experiences has been helpful. I saw that in this post I wrote on LinkedIn summing up my feels on what IWD should be about.
And now we have to continue the dialogue and talk about the tactical stuff.
The topics are endless but at the top of my list are:
Alternative definitions of success - How to feel like you’re enough based on what matters to you.
Raising children - How do we make sure our children grow up with different expectations of themselves and their role in society.
Workaholism as a coping mechanism - How preoccupation with work helps us avoid boredom, bad feelings, and insecurities.
I am eager for this village to continue to grow and get into these topics and more!
Here is the full recording of the event if you want to soak up these and more gems from the village.
Finding my tribe in this gathering gave me the same kind of energy that I get from sharing my thoughts through this Substack. I am grateful for you.
It reminded me of the importance of community, of connecting with one another and sharing life experiences.
I hope you too have that outlet and can continue with me on this exploration.
Keep well,
J
P.S. I’m prioritizing shipping over perfection, so this post may not convey all my thoughts perfectly. I’d love comments or questions to keep the discovery going.
P.P.S. With thanks, as always, to my Junior Associate, ChatGPT-4.0 AND Gemini Advanced