Consistently Inconsistent
An attempt at decoding competing demands for consistency (and why they can make us feel so overwhelmed).
I’m discovering the only consistent thing about being a working parent is: inconsistency.
Sunday night I was all set to start off the week right. Fresh energy. Fresh plan. Fresh mindset to be steady and feel even keel.
Monday I woke up feeling hungover from soothing a feverish toddler. So much for consistency.
A few days in, my plan and energy is shot.
As I beat myself up over not living up to my own expectations I keep thinking that our world - which includes me! - has a consistency obsession.
Algorithms? Consistency or vanish in the digital void.
Paycheck? Consistency. Sure I can take a day or two off when life gets full. But weaving looms could run consistently and I am expected to as well.
Offspring? Consistency. Yes, some days it is pizza and movie night is fine but it can’t be that every night (although my kids would beg to differ).
Weight training? Consistency. According to the latest health guru I’m destined to get osteoporosis for the lack of regular weight lifting at my age.
I could go on… wrinkles, pelvic floor, friendships, plants are all sending me their disappointing looks for neglecting their regular serum, kegels, messages and watering.
Across career, caregiving and self-care - everything seems to demand consistency simultaneously, while conspiring together to make it impossible.
Sharing with the class in case you've cracked the code on how to live life consistently inconsistent.
Sending enoughness,
J
Want more Rule Breaker?
🎧 Listen to the chat I had on Successful Working Parent podcast (Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts)
📥 Get the Rule Breaker 101 so you can stop playing by the rules you never chose
Here are two relevant posts from Peter Gray's substack that argue the merits of "good-enough" parenting. Sometimes less is more and inconsistent is better. Kids are more capable than we think and can fare better without intensive parenting (and the expectations that come with it)!
1) The Good Enough Parent Is the Best Parent
https://petergray.substack.com/p/57-the-good-enough-parent-is-the
2) Must Moms Be Everything to Their Kids?
https://petergray.substack.com/p/67-must-moms-be-everything-to-their
I relate to this challenge of showing up with consistency across competing demands through parenthood—especially with sick kids and when sleep is interrupted! I've tried to be realistic about the most important things to commit to—and take care of with consistency—so I'm not stretched too thin, and find ways to increase my capacity to care for a higher volume of responsibilities through self care, asking for and accepting help, etc. It still can feel like a balancing act through different phases.
Take it easy this week! You’ll get through it!