Beyond "Lean In" - Part I

Thoughts on how to actually shatter the glass ceiling

Apr 11, 2024

👋 I challenge conventional thinking to help people craft well-rounded lives that blend career, caregiving and self-care.

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I've been grappling with this for over 10 years.

When I first read Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In," my pen scribbled furiously across the pages.

My gut reaction was visceral: 'How can this be so popular when it feels so wrong for so many?'

Now, a decade later, I finally have the words to pinpoint the problem: the 'Lean In' philosophy demands we conform to a system that simply isn't built for well-rounded lives.

There's too much to unpack in one go, so I'll tackle it in three parts – one post for each of Sandberg's main tenets: 1) Sit at the table; 2) Make your partner a true partner; and 3) Don't leave before you leave.

Ready to dive in?

Quick Context

Let’s set the scene of what happened when the book came out.

Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" exploded onto the corporate scene in the 2010s – it was the must-have book for any ambitious woman.

It first started with her 2010 TED Talk that laid out the blueprint of why we have too few female leaders and how to fix it, followed by a book then a non-profit. The TED talk has nearly 12 million views, the book sold 4.2 million copies in the first five years and more than 80,000 women in 183 countries have started a Lean In Circle to “foster leadership, advancement, & inclusion for women in the workplace”

"Lean In" became more than a book; it was Oprah-approved gospel. Businesses scrambled to revamp their diversity programs in its image. I remember seeing it piled on executives' desks when I worked at BMO – everyone was leaning in!

One Caveat

"Lean In" undoubtedly raised important conversations and spurred positive changes in workplaces. My critique is a reaction, an evolution—a call for what we should strive for next.

My Beef With Lean In Overall

After a decade of reflection, this is what I see: Beneath its empowering slogans, "Lean In" places the entire burden of gender equality on women's shoulders. It doesn't challenge the system; it teaches us how to win within it.

This playbook for success in a "man's world" comes with a catch: it's ultimately a recipe for burnout. Unrealistic expectations lead to sacrificing women's personal lives and caregiving roles in pursuit of professional goals. The lack of accessible childcare, the undervaluing of care work, and workplaces built on overwork direct channels to burnout, stress, and a workplace where gender inequality stubbornly persists.

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Why ‘Sitting At The Table’ Fails Women

You've likely heard the mantra "sit at the table," even if you haven't read the book. It encourages women to speak up, ask for what they want – raises, projects, promotions – instead of passively waiting.

In theory, this makes sense. Women shouldn’t sit on the sidelines. But it ignores the real barriers keeping women from the table. The true roadblocks to scaling the corporate ladder are two fold: caregiving responsibilities and the masculine corporate culture.

Many women are very capable of sitting at the table… if they didn’t have to leave it every day at 4:30pm to be with their children.

Sandberg herself admitted to "sneaking out" early, having nannies and family help with childcare and bringing her kids to the office because she had to be there for Monday-night strategy sessions hosted by Mark Zuckerberg. None of these options are available to the vast majority of workers.

Sitting at the table also instructs that women should conform to the traditionally masculine workplace cultures that prioritize assertiveness, ego, decision making. Confidence-boosting workshops and books on negotiation for women miss the mark. Many men are just as uncomfortable with self-promotion.

Make The Table Accessible

Instead of telling women to “sit at the table”, I think we should be shouting “make the table accessible”

Making the table more accessible starts by decoupling long, inflexible hours with higher salary and power. Instead of expecting everyone to work late or travel at a whim, let's normalize a 5 pm end to the workday so all adults can be caregivers and have a personal life.

In addition, the professional ‘table’ is more accessible when diverse voices and approaches in communicating and interacting. This can include ‘shushing’ the loudest voices in the room, structured interviews to reduce bias, and pay transparency.

Since 2013, The Economist's "glass-ceiling index" has tracked our progress – and it's grim.

Change has been painfully slow.

Why? Because "leaning in" won't shatter that final barrier.

To truly reach the top, we need something bolder than self-improvement. We need systemic change. What does that look like? I’ve laid out a few ideas and will continue to do so in the coming posts. I also want to hear from. What solutions do you think are needed that work for everyone?